Indiana Jones meets Cruella De Vil meets Princess Leia
Indiana Jones - Harrison Ford
Cruella De Vil - Glenn Close
Princess Leia - Carrie Fisher
Indiana Jones stood knee deep in mud in a cave below the Andes, alone but for the chirping of bats. An unusual place to be, but the doctor had managed to get to odder destinations in the past. It had taken days of trekking, through forested valleys and icy mountains to get to this place, even so he had been unsure whether he would find anything here at all. He thought back to how he had heard of this place, native legends of the last resting place of an ancient princess from the stars, which had been retold to him by a flamboyant furrier. He had patiently listened to her unlikely story in his university office, and when she offered to fund an expedition and to give a large sum of money to his faculty the doctor had decided to accept. Now, months later, here he was, creeping into in a dark damp cave and cursing the woman who sent him here. The bat stench was unnerving and the floor was treacherous, but what was really perpexing him was the spaceship.
Doctor Jones had seen some strange sights in his career as an archaeologist, but this was certainly one of the strangest. Before him, encrusted and mineralised over millenia was something that was undoubtedly some form of aircraft - or even spacecraft. Far too large to have flown into the cave through the opening the doctor had used, it sat beached on the floor like a deflated circus tent. From beneath the stalactites there seemed to be a slight glow, and as he neared the craft he could percieve a slight hum. Was this the result of his proximity? Had this thing been sitting here, alive and waiting since the mountains were young? His pulse quickened, he felt in awe of this object, this ancient power source. There was something familiar there too, as if he were destined to reclaim this craft and the princess that was rightfully his. The princess - he realised that she must be within the hulking shape before him, waiting there, waiting for her prince.
With a nervous, yet excited turn in his stomach he surveyed the craft more closely. It had black scarring burn marks on the lower part of it's hull with a pod that stuck out from the main body of the ship. At the end of it, small glass windows, which remained intact from initial inspection. It almost became conceivable that there may in fact be a power source inside the craft which could still be running. Eventually deducing where the opening to the craft was located on the underside of its belly, he managed to get the door to open. Sure enough, a power source was gliding the door gently, he could hear the hydraulics pushing the door down towards the ground. Steadying himself he walked up the boarding ramp.
Unfortunately for him, little did Jones know that Cruella De Vil (the flamboyant furrier from Hell Hall) was not far behind him. She had sought Jones' expertise in the fore knowledge that there was no way that Jones would ever get back to his university to enjoy any of the funds had been offered to him. The small army of mercenaries and trained dalmations under her control had followed Jones and were catching up quickly.
As Jones had surveyed the dimly lit craft from the inside, he could tell that whatever was causing the faint power hum was from a power source almost at the end of it's life. The lights were very dim, the corridors more lit by his hand held torch of fire than that of the craft's numerous lights. As he entered the larger part of the craft at the rear, he realised that there was something in the corner he had missed when he walked through this area before. If it wasn't for the fact that it had a glass front to the casing, he would surmise that it was almost coffin like; but, upon getting closer he realised that behind the condensation covered glass was the face of a woman, and a young woman at that. He looked at the case more closely. Words were printed on the side. He held his torch closer to it. It simply read; "Leia. Cryogen 1".
Glancing back at the faint sound of barking coming from the entrance to the cave, Jones pulled the lid slowly open, instantly becoming surrounded by a hissing cloud of steam as the pressure in the case stabilised and the temperature of the princess quickly returned to normal. Indy reached out for the princesses hand, and, as he touched the skin, her eyes flew open.
"Who are you?" she demanded, her imperious tones cutting through the hissing of the steam
"I'm an archeologist, I'm here to save you..." Jones managed to blurt out, before the Princess shoved him aside, staggered a few paces then fell to the floor. A look of confusion crossed her face as she stared wide-eyed at Dr Jones. She seemed to be studying him intently...
"Han..." The princesses sentence tailed off into a fit of coughing. "Hang on a minute, where are we? The last thing I know he was muttering something about parsecs being a unit of time and not looking where he was going and then everything went black."
"Who was muttering?" asked Indiana. "Did you have companions on your ship?" But even as he asked the question, he saw, crumpled in a corner beneath a round table with a blue and yellow checked pattern, 2 skeletons, one well over a foot higher than the other. "Come on, we have to leave. There are people after you, people who want to use you for evil in some way, although I haven't quite figured out how yet..."
With a final look at the smaller skeleton, a niggling feeling grabbed at his mind; why did that skeleton seem so familiar? Shrugging, Indiana dragged the Princess through the corridor and down the hatchway. Leia squinted in the brightness of the flashlights shining up at her from the crowd of mercenaries that now surrounded the craft. "Of course, electric torches, why didn't I ..."
Dr Jones' sentence was abruptly cut short as a gunshot echoed around the cave, sending the bats flocking and squeaking around the cave as the contents of the archeologists head disappeared in a cloud of red mist behind him. As his twitching corpse fell to the floor, Leia screamed, her simple white dress and elaborate hairstyle liberally covered with her late rescuers blood.
"You idiots, do you know how long I've had this dress. Do you have the slightest comprehension of what I have been through, and never once did I get it this dirty, not even in the trash compactor of the first Death Star! Where is she, where's the one who hired you?"
Backing away from the white hot fury of Princess Leia Organa, the mercenaries parted, as a tall, bleached blonde woman walked slowly through the cave, the click of her heels and the smoke from her cigarette holder marking her progress. The mercenaries bowed their heads in hushed silence, with even the dalmations seemingly in awe of the two women. De Vil stopped, dropped the cigarette to the floor and ground it out with her heel. Looking directly into the eyes of Leia, she spoke, her nicotine ravaged voice somehow ringing out clear...
"Hello mother, its been a long time..."
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